I’m slowly learning a valuable – though annoying – lesson. If you’ve been following me long, then you have gotten some insight into how i think, process and formulate plans and ideas. I’m linear. Literally, any points popping up between A and B and i’m thrown off course. I’ve gotten better at rerouting for the unexpected, but damn… It really throws me for a loop! I’ve got to consciously choose to think outside of MY brain.
Take Sunday, par example. I had a handful of things on my agenda, despite it being a Sunday. I knew I had a cake to create for delivery Monday morning. I knew i had two smaller ones to prep for pickup that day. I knew i had a couple things around the house to knock out. Easy peasy for my “rest day”. Everything was going just fine, but inside of an hour, my life got flipped, turned upside down. (No, nothing catastrophic, just a mental system crash.)
Short backstory: I had recently been given one of the best compliments of my business career, that my advertising and marketing push were remarkable. And this was coming from a seasoned marketing professional! I was high on the hog about the compliment, but at the same time faklempt. How could my marketing be so on point, yet my phone still be silent?
Present story: I had the honor to meet said professional Sunday and promptly fell completely. on. my. face. My left-brained logic usurped my right-brained know better and i got called to the carpet on it. It wasn’t a brutal beatdown, as a matter of fact, it could have gone waaaaaaayyyy worse, but it was enough to humble me and slow me down. The realization that my linear thinking isn’t everyone’s logic smacked me in the ass and – against my natural Saggitarian impulse – i tucked tail and corrected my error.
What happened after that blew both brains wide stinking open. While still in a humbled position, i was given complements, i was lauded for my (non-cake) work and i was asked about doing this work as a business (it’s work i do well, just have never done for other people, and certainly not for money). Now, if you’ve known me personally for a while, you know i have always been very self-assured. Confident in my abilities. Cocky at times. But in recent years, i’ve learned how to be modest and let my work speak for itself. Her acknowledgement of and faith in my talents boosted me, but also got me deep into my own head. I’ve long fought self-doubt, but right then it had me square by the cajones.
I guess it’s called Imposter Syndrome these days. I know i have skills, but i don’t feel that i can compete with those who are technically trained to do the same things. I used to feel that about my cakes. I was in the company of so many classically trained pastry chefs, and studied artists and baking professionals, i felt like Lucille McGillicuddy at an Alvin Ailey audition. But once it stuck in my head that my job is not to compete with them, but just dance, i was cool. But here i am, back in the same theater with a different book of songs. Hello, Self-Doubt, i’m here to audition…
I’ve been told by multiple folks that i should offer what i do as a paid service. “Come up with a price and start selling it,” they’d said. Since I had no idea where to begin, i did my research. That absolutely did not help. The education and experience i saw on those pages was overwhelming. How do i compete when i learned what i know by trial and error, and am probably doing it the most primitive way possible because i don’t know any better? How do i price my services competitively when i KNOW i’m not as experienced or learned?
“You just do it,” the ancestors whisper. “Your work is awesome. Kicking self-doubt, feelings of fraud and imposter syndrome to the curb, and showing the world exactly what you are capable of is the only way to progress. That’s how we made it.”
Then the Holy Ghost said, “Get out of your head, step up and create a portfolio of what you have done. Show it proudly, know your worth and I’ll lead you into earning it.”
In other words, Dance, Lucy, Dance!
New business venture coming soon! Pray, send positive thoughts, align chakras, etc. on my behalf. I’m gonna need it!
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